The One Where We Got Hurt For The Very Last Time!!

So once again there are tears before bedtime - once again in the Lloyd household - the tears are mine - I have protected the kids from this and Jason is far stronger than me!!

When you live in a situation like we are in, however much you strive not to, you live in a strange kind of bubble. For anyone planning on travelling in the same way as us, I hope you can take a lesson from this post. I have certainly learned my lesson - the hard way.

Here we are about to leave what has been our life for the last two years. We have made some great friendships and I always thought affected people's lives in a positive way along our journey.

I am beginning to rethink that disillusion now.

It is somewhat of a tradition here to have a Ma'aslama party before you leave. We have always hosted parties - from Christmas to Easter to welcome dinners and BBQ's. They have not been selfless acts, of course, they have obviously benefitted us but predominantly they have been for others. Christmas - to get everyone in the spirit ready for them going home, Easter to help ease homesickness, welcome dinners - for the obvious to make people feel welcome. And yes of course we enjoyed organising and having these parties. But this party was for us. Just about us, for once!!!

Now the norm is to have the party at the rec centre, this always starts and finishes late - and let's just say you often get unwelcomed guests!! So I planned something different. We are a family and we wanted this to be reflected in our party. So I had planned a street party to start at 3pm and go onto into the evening. We would decorate the street, make the cakes and salads etc. Light BBQ's all up the street for people to bring their own meat to cook - a community kind of feel, stretching as far as the Mexican Mardi Gras feel to the South African bring and bri.

Something completely different, but so much fun.

We have been so excited for this for ages. Our final party. The big one!!! Would be so much fun!

It was not to be. And why?

Because inevitably people will always let you down. It must be part of the genetic makeup. People are by nature selfish creatures. Although on the most part good people keep this in check and never let it affect others. There are some that don't and these are the ones that cause hurt!

Our party became insignificant and unimportant to others. After all the things we have done and tried to do. After the good we have treated others with. there could not be one night that was just about us. Where those people would be there for us, instead of us being there for them.

And what hurts the most, is it actually doesn't matter to most people. The person it is mattering to the most right now is me, the one who is hurt right now is me!!! Jason is obviously hurt, but he has a gift to protect himself, he never allows himself to get that close to people. He never opens his heart to people. The kids, well I have managed to salvage something for them, I will go into their class and do a little party for them both at school. If you phrase things correctly you can pretty much convince children anything is a good idea!

So then there is me, sat her typing away, devastated and humiliated. I just wanted us to have our party. to celebrate our time here and the end of the beginning of our journey around the world. As I said before, people are selfish, and yes it is a selfish act that I wanted this for us, but it wasn't selfish at the expense of others - And that is the difference between me and them!

But, you know it isn't about the party, the party is the catalyst, the party is what has highlighted the truth to me. The party just happens to be the storyline for my lesson. And it may seem a little futile to some, but this is at the end of a cummilation of crap that we have had to bare!

Soon we will be home, sooner than planned if I can change my flight, and then we shall be in Qatar. We will be saying goodbye to this place without a goodbye. But from now on people are going to have to earn a place in my life. No longer will I be the one making the effort to keep everyone together and included, to organise the parties, to make people for welcome, that can now be someone else’s job. Because at the end of the day if I do all these things, who will really be there for me and my family when we need these things doing for us??!!